OK, so I have just finished watching all the Alien movies again, this time sitting through the 5 hours of "making of" video as well, for each movie.
By and large, the "making of" features are honest about the films. If anything, they're a bit humble. And then you get to Resurrection....

   First off, let me preface this a bit. My favorite of the Alien trilogy is a changing thing. Originally, it was the 2nd film. Later, it became the 3rd. Now, it's a toss-up between the 1st and the 2nd. One constant, however, has been my utter loathing of Resurrection. For about 2 minutes a few years ago I thought "well, it's not THAT bad", and then I sobered up.

    The reasons I hate this movie are many and varied. Although I like Jeunet's work on City of Lost Children and Amelie, I think his visual style is completely inappropriate for the Alien series. He's too antiseptic. Even shots of genuinely dirty things he somehow manages to make look, well, photographed. It's just too stylish for the Alien series.

    The acting, while generally decent, has the problem of having far too many character actors mixed in with a number of genuinely BAD actors. Dan Hedaya and Michael Wincott are both really fun to watch on screen, but they get killed off far too early (for the purposes of acting quality in the movie) and we're left with Winona "OMFG someone dumber than Keanu" Ryder, Ron "OMFG what's wrong with his face??" Perlman, Sigourney "I had myself killed off at the end of Alien3 so I wouldn't have to do these movies again, but I need a paycheck" Weaver, and a bunch of utterly shitty twats. I don't pity those actors, because they had the most pathetic attempt at dialogue I've seen in most B movies.

    But, primarily, it's the script... which not only is full of hackneyed dialogue and major plotholes, but basically shows that Whedon had NO FUCKING CLUE what made the Alien movies great. OK, Whedon.... what part of "NOT A FUCKING COMEDY" did you miss? If you make the overwhelming majority of your characters into comic relief, the movie BECOMES A COMEDY. Also you say that "Ripley, for all intents and purposes, wiped out the Alien species.".... DID YOU EVEN WATCH ALIEN????? I mean, FFS, there's an ENTIRE PLANET, AT LEAST, full of Aliens which we HAVE NEVER SEEN. I swear, he watched Alien3 and was like "Aight, that's enough lore, I can do this."

   OK, Whedon, here's a little education. There are three antagonists in Alien: Weylan-Yutani ("The Company"), the Alien, and Ash (The Android). In Aliens, there are two and a half: Weyland-Yutani (sic, thanks James Cameron), The Alien, and Burke = 1/2, as he was the Company's man on site. In Alien3, there are again 2.5 antagonists: Weyland-Yutani, The Alien, and the prison superintendent (1/2 because he was so ineffectual.) So, when you are making your sequel, you have how many antagonists? Let's see. In the interests of "humor", I suppose, Weyland-Yutani got "bought by Wal-Mart a few decades ago". In the interests of saving yourself time, you don't even bother having the military stick around. Instead, you have some half-assed retard doctor (who is defeated entirely by Ryder and then miraculously appears again for the gratuitous chestburster-used-as-a-weapon scene). And you have the Alien, who we're supposed to feel some sympathy for because he's pink. I total that at ONE antagonist, since none of them are really convincing.

    On the other hand, we have at least three heroes (who survive the whole movie, might I add). Sigourney "I can't believe it's not Ripley" Weaver, Winona "What's an android?" Ryder, and Ron "Has he got the mumps or something?" Perlman. I'm not even bothering to call Dominique Pinon a hero, since he's in a wheelchair and doesn't really do much in the movie except for be crippled, but he lives too. So, as I total it, we have three versus one... REAL SCARY, JACKASS.

    Now, I'm not usually one of these "OMG there's no SOUND in SPACE!" geeks who believes that we should always have ultra-realistic physics in movies, but Resurrection makes me ill with one of the most over-the-top terrible examples of this EVAR. So, here we have this big military research station, which, it is established, is FAR FAR AWAY from any civilized place, so far out as to be "outside of regulated space". So, when the ship is abandoned by the military, the default emergency procedure is to "head to home base" (never mind how stupid THAT is, given that they're researching a deadly organism). Now, when our heroes figure this out, they calculate that it's going to take THREE HOURS to reach home base. Not so bad, if home base is some wacky border station, right? Too bad home base is EARTH. Meanwhile, between Alien and Aliens, it took Ripley's shuttle 57 years to pass through the civilized worlds and then get picked up.... So, not only does this stupidity violate physics, it violates the Alien lore.

    Of all the Alien movies (not counting AVP, nobody counts that) Resurrection is the lowest rated on imdb with, in my opinion, an overrating of 6.0. That's right, this movie is rated lower than Alien3 (which wasn't nearly as terrible, but which was a huge tank). now, in the "making of" interviews on Alien3, they START OFF by apologizing for the movie. So I look forward to see what they have to say about Resurrection, and am utterly shocked and appalled when they start off by praising the wonderful script. And then, throughout the rest of the 5 hours, you just get to see everybody involved in the production patting each other on the back (the notable exception being David Giler, producer on all of the Alien films, who clearly expressed his distaste for the movie).

    And THAT is my problem with Resurrection... how these fucktoads seem to think it's a good movie, even while dissing Alien3 to the extent that David Fincher (the director of Alien3) never even appears in the "making of" features outside of footage from the time. Never do we see an interview with him, but on Resurrection we see PLENTY of Jeunet and Joss "I have an English name but I look and talk like a chubby American douche, which is apt" Whedon. AND THEY'RE PROUD!!!! I mean, it's like being proud of having created a massive pile of SHIT and trying to sell it to people! Only worse, actually, since a pile of expensive excreta is more "art" than Resurrection.

    So, if people think I'm a wacko, think back to Resurrection. Remember that horribly stupid "baby alien" that everybody thought was, well, STUPID? Yeah, they're proud of that. They go on and on about what a cool design it was, how many moving parts it had, etc.... I mean, WTF?
Basically, this movie never would have been made without them getting a script from Joss "Holy fuck, I need to die" Whedon. Sorry, but I can never forgive that fuckbag. What a worthless cunt.